Burgers, Buns, (writers) Block, and a crush on Jamie Oliver

You know those moments when something has been staring you in the face the whole time and you failed to see it?  I’m not sure if I love those moments, or hate them with every fiber of my being.  On the one hand there’s the “eureka!” moment.  On the other hand, there’s a much more sustained “Yeah, DUH!” moment.

The reason I mention these moments of stupidity is that I’ve been agonizing over what to write about next.  So I’ve been sitting here, scrolling through a backlog of photos of random concoctions, half-written posts, and beating my head against the tabletop trying to think what is most suitable, while I wait for my burgers to finish roasting. 

You see where this is going, yeah?

BURGERS!

As per usual I have a backstory.  I love Jamie Oliver.  Is it the accent?  In part.  Is it his enthusiasm?  In part.  Is it the tousled, devil-may-care semi-spiky-floppiness of his hair?  A little bit of that too, yeah. 

It’s so many things.

It’s the way he gets down and dirty with the food he cooks.  Hands smashing ingredients freshly ripped from the soil together, punctuated by random exclamations (“Howzat!” being a personal favourite), and a genuine love for his creations.  He is a completely obsessive purist, and where Nigella Lawson is a food eroticist, Jamie takes his food out for a few dates, behaves like a gentleman, falls completely in love by the second date, and calls it back the next day to see how it feels.

This particular recipe rapidly became high in rotation for several reason.  First and foremost: it’s really good!  Second: it’s very time-liberating.  Smoosh stuff together, chuck em in the oven, and 25 minutes later they’re done.  No running back and forth between the barbeque, or peeking in on a frying pan, cutting through layers of carbon to discover a raw mess inside.  Nope, none of that.  They come out amazing every time!  That 25 minutes leave you free to tidy up, bathe a cat, do your nails, watch a PVRed half hour program (minus commercials, of course), or write a belated blog post.  *ahem*

As is my usual practice, I’ve tweaked the original recipe somewhat.  Feel free to do the same.  Particularly with the spices and seasonings.  I often find I only need one egg, whereas the original recipe calls for two.  Use your judgment.  If the beef mixture just isn’t holding together, add a second egg.  If it looks like it’s floating in a sea of egg, add more breadcrumbs.

Oven-roasted Hamburgers

·      2 ¼ lbs ground beef

·      ½ large red onion, chopped fine

·      1-2 cloves garlic, minced (optional)

·      1-2 large eggs

·      1-2 handfuls breadcrumbs (or Panko, if you buy the Costco-sized bucket loads like I do)

·      generous pinch cumin seeds

·      generous pinch coriander seeds

·      heaped spoonful Dijon mustard

·      few drops Worcestershire

·      salt and pepper (I HIGHLY recommend trying different peppercorns: Pink, Szechuan, Tellicherry.  Each one can completely change the scope of flavour.  Feel free to use regular pepper, too… Philistine)

Preheat oven to 450°

Grind dry spices in mortar and pestle.

Place remaining ingredients in a large bowl, sprinkle spices over, and mix well.  Adding breadcrumbs as required.

Mold into patties, more ball-shaped than pancake.  A flattened ball, if you will.

Place on roasting pan with drip tray for excess fat, and pop into the oven for 25 minutes.  If you want cheeseburgers, place slices or shredded cheese on patties at about the 20 minute mark.

As you can see from the photo at the top, I didn’t have buns on hand, so I used thick slices of homemade bread.  I just thought I’d make that clear in case you thought that I thought that that’s what buns were.

I also have this strange inability to be able to make burgers without this clip getting stuck in my head.

Oh, French Toast! Save me from mine rut!

Happy New Year to all!  Yeah, it’s almost half a month late, but I have another Word document sitting on my desktop which is a letter which is almost 9 months overdue.  Yes, Dear Readers, you got my attention first.

First of all, I apologise for my silence as of late.  I took full advantage of being pandered to over the Christmas and New Years holidays, and as such wasn’t required to do all that much cooking of my own.  A slippery slope.

Plus, with it being my first New Years of having this blog I decided to do a little bit of introspection and revisit a few of the recipes, as well as reevaluating my opinions of them.  I have to say, first impressions truly are the ones to run with.

For example: I’ve remade the BBQ pork buns.  Although delicious, they are definitely tiddly to make, and bloody hell (!!!) that dough can be a bitch to work with!

I also remade the sausage and grape recipe from a couple weeks back to take to the New Years Eve party hosted by our friends.  Yep.  It’s definitely a great party food.  Forget trying to pair it with something and make a meal out of it.  Amidst toothpicks, cheeses and slices of baguette is where those suckers belong.

We did host our annual New Years brunch, but we do it pot luck style, so other than providing a swine herd worth of bacon (which I assigned the hubby to cook), and having “thaw and bake” croissants from a local bakery, I was free to swan around, be social, and ingest coffee to the point of a small series of anxiety attacks.

Beyond the above, it would seem that I’ve rung in the New Year in a less than celebratory fashion: I’m in a damned rut!

I’ve treated myself to a couple new cookbooks, who now rest on my bedside table, waiting for me to splay their spines wide and bask in their gourmet glory.

Yeah, ummm…that hasn’t happened yet.

Somewhere between Christmas and New Years, I did end up making one new thing which perked my little tastebud’s interest.  Savory French toast.  I’d like to be able to claim that it was out of a sense of innovation that this recipe was born, but I’d be lying.  The truth of the matter being that I think I was in such a sugar overload one evening (2 boxes of Ferrero Rochers and a large Toblerone) that the thought of syrup-laden French toast just seemed like a swan-dive into illness.  Also, having depleted resources in the kitchen, but being a huge proponent of breakfast for dinner, this seemed like a good opportunity to branch out.

 Savory French Toast

4 thick slices French bread

2 large eggs

1 ½ Tbsp milk or cream

2 Tbsp finely chopped fresh parsley

1/8 cup grated parmesan (optional)

Salt and pepper

Butter

Sliced tomato

Dijon mustard

Beat the eggs with the milk or cream until just blended. 

Add parsley, salt and pepper, and beat again until distributed evenly throughout

Stir in parmesan cheese (if using).

Place a skillet over medium-high heat.  When water droplets hiss and evaporate, add butter to the pan and melt.

Dip slices of French bread in egg mixture (both sides), and fry in skillet until golden brown.  Flip and brown the other side.

Spread with Dijon mustard, and top with slices of tomato, adjusting salt and pepper to taste.

Serve with other breakfasty things, or salad.

I realize giving instructions for frying French toast may be offensive and condescending to some, but I’ve received some lovely feedback from culinary “newbies” (Hey newbies!) that they’re literally starting from scratch in their kitchen experimentation.  Let’s face it; if you can make a great brunch for friends, then you’ll be hailed as a genius.  Get one or two things in the repertoire, and your reputation will be secured despite other limitations.

As my dear Dad always says “if you can’t dazzle ‘em with brilliance, baffle ‘em with bullshit”

…and thus this blog was born.