Adventures in Pork, Pt 3

A Miracle is Born

After much ado, raiding of cupboards, canisters and crispers, I managed to pull a steamy dim sum miracle out of my ass.  Not literally, of course.  I channeled the best version of my mother I possibly could (anyone familiar with my Mom knows that she’s the queen of “I just whipped up these chili-lime-cilantro slow-braised short ribs between mowing the lawn and negotiating a cease-fire in the Caucasus”), and set to it.  

Despite battling with a severe bout with attention deficit disorder (“I’m gonna make a list!  On pretty paper!  I wonder if Coronation Street recorded.  Do I own sandpaper?”) I managed to settle on 4 additional nibbles to accompany the BBQ pork buns:

• Steamed bok choi with oyster sauce
• Egg Foo Yong with shitake mushrooms and beansprouts
• Veggie dumplings
• Shrimp balls

One of my guests was adamant to bring something, and offered to bring the veggie dumplings.  Since I was flying by the seat of my pants as it was (and in the middle of trying to find sandpaper for God only knows what reason), I figured there was no shame in relinquishing my absolute control of the food prep, and gratefully accepted the offer.

The day of the meal was filled with further Eureka! moments of letting the control issues subside.  I accepted help when offered (no small feat, as anyone who has ever tried to enter the kitchen when I’m in “the Zone” can attest), let the guests dictate the flow of the afternoon, and, wonder of wonders, ENJOYED myself!

We kicked it off with the veggie dumplings.  No photo because I didn’t have the presence of mind to take pictures at this point.  And since I didn’t make them, perhaps it would be too boastful to post a photo anyways.

Next up was the bok choy:

Lightly steamed, then baptized in oyster sauce.  VERY tasty, and we ended up hanging on to the remaining oyster sauce to use with…

Egg Foo Yong:

(did you know there’s an eggfooyong.com?  I do now)

Savoury, gorgeously salty, with the sprightly crunch of beansprouts lurking inside.  A quick smear with the oyster sauce, or a splurp of soy and these guys were de-friggin-lightful!

The next battery was a dual assault.  The pork buns prepped the day before, and while they were re-steaming, I fried up the shrimp balls.  Threw some Worcestershire into a bowl for dipping...  *BLISS!*

And of course, the much maligned, stress-inducing, bundles of porky goodness.  Thankfully the finished product of the buns didn’t end up looking like something from a cafeteria of the Third Reich.

The reviews rolled in: SUCCESS!!!  It turns out the woman in pearls wasn’t trying to lead me down the path to Failure.  Although, her choice of jewelry does remain a bit suspect.  It was just enough to have a satisfying nibble, and not get completely weighed down.  The biggest bonus for myself was there were NO leftovers (In our house leftovers just become temporary ornaments in the fridge, then become Chia pets in their Tupperware paddocks)!

Another plus to the whole experience is that these late lunches tend to get me off the hook for making dinner.  Not that spending ones previous day in a flurry of stressed out mayhem is necessarily the best trade off for getting out of having to make dinner, but as far as mining further “pros” of the situation goes, I’d say it was a fair barter.

Adventures in Pork, Pt 2

An Exercise in Masochism

Well, now it seems I’m either stupid, masochistic or outright insane.  I ended up with three large pieces of Chinese bbq pork and obviously needed to do something with them.  Rather than taking my time, surfing around and finding recipes to use it in I wait until my hubby and I are out running errands.  A brainwave over comes me, and the next thing I know I’m on the phone calling up friends and inviting them over for a dim sum luncheon the next day.  “YEAH!  I’m making bbq pork dumplings, and ummm… well…  don’t really know what else yet.  What’s that…?  Can you bring something, you ask?  Naaaaw don’t worry about that.  I got it covered”.  The very second time travel is invented could someone please let me know so I can go back to that moment and bludgeon or strangle that former me before he picks up the phone?

I found what seemed like a great recipe in an issue of Fine Cooking (my quarterly bible).  I made the pork mixture since it can be prepared a day in advance, but initially thought I’d finish the prep of the pastry the next day.  I then noticed you can prepare them completely and just give them a quick re-steam before serving them.  Delightful.

Well…I wrestled with the dough prep: “why isn’t this flour blending?  The dough isn’t becoming smoother?  Did I just smoosh cat hair into the dough?  Why is the woman in the demo wearing pearls?”  I let the dough rest, as instructed (at room temperature, covered in a slightly damp towel).  Returned after an hour to find a partially mummified lump of glutinous sinew welded to the cutting board.  After the reintroduction of moisture to the wodge of mystery goo, I hacked it into small bits and pressed each one out into little cups for the pork mix I had made earlier.  The cups didn’t hold 1 Tbsp of pork, as the recipe said (maybe because I couldn’t get the damned flour to incorporate I just didn’t end up with enough dough).  To add insult to injury the pearl-bedazzled culinary Vanna White was showing off these perfectly rounded dumplings.  Tops twirled into neat and sealed rosettes.  I could only manage a partial twirl, and ended up with something looking like a pastry-based homage to a swastika.  Between the pork content and the visual presentation I think it’s safe to say that there will be nothing kosher about these wee buns.

Adventures in Pork, Pt I

AKA: Why I'm mistrustful of Chinese food

To some of you the secondary title is a no-brainer.  To others it may seem a little bit unfounded.  Allow me to elaborate.

Growing up I was an extremely picky eater, and many of those traits have found their way into my adult consumption habits.  In particular this applies to meat.  I would meticulously etch and scrape every scrap of fat, gristle or anything, which wasn’t clearly muscle mass, from meat.  One of my problems with dining out is you never really know what a particular kitchens standards are in regards to the leanness of their meats.  I’ve found Chinese food to be particularly sneaky.  On the outside it may be a golden glazed gobbit of honey garlic pork, but one bite beyond the layer of oozing amber goodness reveals little more than a ring of fat encircling bone, like an obese Han army around a calcified Mongolian encampment.

Another instance, which was a cause of my trauma, was when I picked up some dumplings to steam at home from one of the local bakeries.  Knowing my trepidation of questionable meat quality I picked up the “vegetarian” option.  It wasn’t until I had got home that I read the ingredients and one of the first listed was “Baby pork back fat”.  Apparently if you’re only eating the fat, and none of the lean, it somehow counts as veggie.  Of course, once I’d managed to deal with the little bit of vomit that leapt to my mouth I chucked the dumplings in the garbage.  Sorry, baby pork back fat, you won’t be meeting your destiny with my stomach.

This is not a neurosis specific to Chinese food by any means (don’t even get me started on the Hungarians!), but in a city such as Vancouver with so much Chinese culture and foods to explore, it can be difficult to effectively “dive in” knowing what my degustational limitations are.

When in Rome, go vegetarian.

This being said, what better way to explore/get over my revulsion than to give it a go myself?  First item to reclaim for my finicky palate: Chinese BBQ pork.  Not a clue what I’m gonna do with it yet.