Adventures in Pork, Pt 2

An Exercise in Masochism

Well, now it seems I’m either stupid, masochistic or outright insane.  I ended up with three large pieces of Chinese bbq pork and obviously needed to do something with them.  Rather than taking my time, surfing around and finding recipes to use it in I wait until my hubby and I are out running errands.  A brainwave over comes me, and the next thing I know I’m on the phone calling up friends and inviting them over for a dim sum luncheon the next day.  “YEAH!  I’m making bbq pork dumplings, and ummm… well…  don’t really know what else yet.  What’s that…?  Can you bring something, you ask?  Naaaaw don’t worry about that.  I got it covered”.  The very second time travel is invented could someone please let me know so I can go back to that moment and bludgeon or strangle that former me before he picks up the phone?

I found what seemed like a great recipe in an issue of Fine Cooking (my quarterly bible).  I made the pork mixture since it can be prepared a day in advance, but initially thought I’d finish the prep of the pastry the next day.  I then noticed you can prepare them completely and just give them a quick re-steam before serving them.  Delightful.

Well…I wrestled with the dough prep: “why isn’t this flour blending?  The dough isn’t becoming smoother?  Did I just smoosh cat hair into the dough?  Why is the woman in the demo wearing pearls?”  I let the dough rest, as instructed (at room temperature, covered in a slightly damp towel).  Returned after an hour to find a partially mummified lump of glutinous sinew welded to the cutting board.  After the reintroduction of moisture to the wodge of mystery goo, I hacked it into small bits and pressed each one out into little cups for the pork mix I had made earlier.  The cups didn’t hold 1 Tbsp of pork, as the recipe said (maybe because I couldn’t get the damned flour to incorporate I just didn’t end up with enough dough).  To add insult to injury the pearl-bedazzled culinary Vanna White was showing off these perfectly rounded dumplings.  Tops twirled into neat and sealed rosettes.  I could only manage a partial twirl, and ended up with something looking like a pastry-based homage to a swastika.  Between the pork content and the visual presentation I think it’s safe to say that there will be nothing kosher about these wee buns.