Cauliflower Fritters

It finally happened.  

I found a way to cook cauliflower that doesn’t involve drowning it in sauce.  My usual approach would be a cheese sauce, or even a curry.  It’s not that I don’t like cauliflower, but to be honest, it bores the living hell out of me.  It’s like broccoli called and told you his albino cousin was coming over, then the cousin shows up and has no pop-culture knowledge, and proceeds to sit in the other room, make it smell like farts, and watches reruns of ‘This Old House’.

My friend Dan was talking about these the other day.  The recipe itself comes from Malta, and more specifically Dan got it from the lovely Liz on Youtube, who puts aside the BS and pomp for the sake of making REAL food, REAL good.  The proper name of it is something along the lines of frituli ta pastard, but I can’t seem to find anything online to allow me to confirm or deny that.  Unfortunately I was unable to come up with a suitable Shakespearean pun a la “hoisted with his own pastard” by the time of posting.  But I know, dear reader, that you’ll see that the thought was there, and hopefully come to a puntastic ending of your own accord.

Oh, and parents take note: This just may be the way to get cauliflower down your kid’s throat without wooden wedges and a catapult.  Umm… you’re welcome.

There’s definitely room for add-ins in this recipe.  Bacon, potato, spinach, etc.   I suspect a handful of sharp cheddar would be pretty brilliant, as well.  Of course, I heard bacon and decided “I’m making THAT!”

Makes 5-6 patties

1 head cauliflower, florets cut off

1 large clove garlic, minced

3-4 Tbsp fresh parsley

6 strips bacon, cut into bits (optional)

1 egg

Semolina or cornmeal (NOT flour)

Salt & Pepper

Olive oil for frying

Bring a pot of water to a boil.  Add the cauliflower florets and cook until tender.  Drain, and set aside to cool.

Meanwhile, cook bacon, drain excess fat on paper towels, and set aside.

When the cauliflower is cool, mash thoroughly with a potato masher.  Note: a potato ricer is damned near useless.  Yes, I tried.  It squeezed water out quite nicely, but didn’t actually “mash” per se.  You aren’t going to achieve the same smoothness as mashed potato, so just mash until the pieces are small, crumbly and of uniform size.

Using a sieve, press as much of the liquid out of the mashed cauliflower as you can.  Alternatively, you could squeeze it out handful by handful, discarding the liquid as you go.  Don’t worry too much about pressing every last drop out.

Add in egg, parsley, garlic, bacon, salt & pepper to taste, and mix well.

Form handfuls of the mix into small patties and dust with the semolina.  In the video Liz explains how this is the key to a proper, crispy crust.

Heat a small amount of oil (1-2tsp) in a skillet over med-high heat, and fry patties until golden, flip em, and fry again.

One of the great things about these bronzed beauties is they don’t require a sauce or condiment.  I have it on good authority that they work well as a cold snack, too, but I can’t imagine they’ll ever be hanging out long enough in my house to find that out.

Minus the bacon, these have the potential to be a great, low-fat, and tasty side dish or appetizer. 

My qualms with the cauliflower as a somewhat somnolent ingredient have been put aside.  We’ve found something new in common.

Which just goes to show: if a relationship isn’t working, you CAN change the other party, and your bliss shall be complete.